The Naughtiest Unicorn Page 2

  A hush descended on the hall, and a tiny woman walked across the paddock and onto the platform. Miss Glitterhorn joined her a moment later, clutching an armful of scrolls and a clipboard. The first woman introduced herself – she was Madame Shetland, the head teacher.

  Madame Shetland cleared her throat and spoke into her microphone.

  ‘Good morning children and unicorns, and welcome to a new term at Unicorn School. And an extra special welcome to our new students, Class Red, who I trust have been busy learning the School Rules in preparation,’ said the head teacher. ‘Unicorn School is a place of fun, magic and adventure – but it is something to be taken seriously. The bond between child and unicorn is a noble tradition, going back many centuries. Alongside your unicorn you will learn and grow – to undertake quests and become the protectors of our land, and shine a glittery light throughout the unicorn world.’

  Mira felt a warm glow as she thought how she would definitely take it seriously. And she would definitely follow ALL the rules. As soon as she knew what they were.

  The head teacher smiled at the gathered pupils. ‘And, of course, even when not at Unicorn School you will take forth the lessons learned here and promote the principles of friendship, kindness, bravery and tolerance.’

  After everyone applauded Madame Shetland, it was FINALLY time for the pairing of Class Red with their unicorns. Mira thought she might explode!

  Miss Glitterhorn handed the head teacher the clipboard.

  ‘Jake de Quincy,’ said Madame Shetland, looking at the clipboard.

  Mira saw a boy walking up to the platform. It was the one with blonde hair who was wearing cowboy boots. He was carrying his own riding hat with golden wings over the ears.

  Madame Shetland held the microphone towards Jake. ‘If you could tell us about yourself. Keep it brief.’

  Jake leaned in to the microphone. ‘I’m Jake. And I’m going to be a champion unicorn showjumper, just like my mum and dad.’

  Miss Glitterhorn handed Jake a scroll, which he held up in front of him.

  ‘The name of your unicorn will appear on the scroll,’ declared Madame Shetland.

  The class gasped as a projection of the scroll appeared on the wall behind him.

  There was a hushed silence as they waited. The scroll shimmered and then a blurry word appeared. Everyone leaned forward to try and read it as the letters gradually became clear and sharp:

  Then there was a loud noise from the front of the hall as the double doors swung open, making them all jump. Mira let out an excited squeal and Raheem nearly fell off his chair. Standing proudly in the doorway, was a sparkling, majestic unicorn. He was deep purple with a dark blue mane and a glittering golden horn. He strode towards the mounting block where Jake waited with his arms folded and his eyebrows arched confidently.

  Mira couldn’t contain her excitement and gripped the hands of Raheem and Darcy, until Darcy muttered to her to ‘get off ’ and Raheem looked really uncomfortable.

  Jake and Pegasus walked away from the platform to the other end of the hall, and Mira felt slightly relieved that they wouldn’t have to ride the unicorns in front of everyone.

  Darcy was the next to be called. She wheeled up a ramp and onto the platform. Madame Shetland held the microphone towards her and Darcy grabbed it.

  ‘Wow. What can I say? This moment means SO much. I want to thank my mum –’

  ‘A speech is not necessary, Darcy!’ interrupted Madame Shetland.

  Darcy’s scroll appeared on the projection.

  A dramatic whinny came from the double doors and the class turned to look. A unicorn came strutting in – her silver coat shimmered and caught the light as she walked. She arrived next to Darcy, swished her mane and struck a pose. Darcy applauded in delight. They made their way over to Jake and Pegasus, and started taking selfies until a teacher confiscated Darcy’s phone.

  Next was Seb, who said he loved art. He looked super-excited to meet his unicorn, Firework, who had a rainbow-coloured mane.

  Then it was Raheem’s turn. He stayed frozen to his seat when his name was called so Mira gave him an encouraging shove to get him to his feet. ‘Good luck!’ she whispered. He gulped and made his way to the platform.

  ‘My name is Raheem and I like books,’ he said carefully into the microphone.

  I bet he gets a really clever unicorn, thought Mira. It’ll probably be able to read and everything.

  A loud thundering sound could be heard from outside the hall and the floor seemed to shake. And then a blue shape came galloping into the hall. The unicorn was a blur, racing around the hall before coming to a sudden stop in front of the platform with a stamp of his front hoof. He was midnight blue and the biggest, tallest unicorn they’d seen so far.

  Madame Shetland turned to Raheem, only to find he wasn’t there, but she soon coaxed him out from behind the mounting block. Brave strutted over to the line of unicorns with Raheem following at a careful distance.

  More and more children were called up. As each name was read out Mira felt her heart leap into her throat, and then sink back down again. Finally, she looked around and realized she was the only one in Class Red without a unicorn.

  ‘And finally we have Mira Des –’ began Madame Shetland and then she jumped to see Mira already standing next to her.

  ‘I’m Mira. And I can’t wait to meet my unicorn best friend,’ said Mira into the microphone. She looked over at her sister in the crowd, who gave a deliberate yawn. ‘And I can’t wait to win LOADS of medals,’ said Mira. Madame Shetland looked at her and raised one eyebrow.

  Miss Glitterhorn handed her the scroll. Mira’s heart was hammering in her chest.

  Everyone in the crowd turned towards the double doors. But there was no sign of her unicorn yet. Mira looked back down at her scroll. She could see the word beginning to form. It wasn’t long enough to be Princess Delilah Sparklehoof, but the first letter was a ‘D’ . . .

  Dancer? Dasher? DESTINY?

  A surprised sort of gasp echoed around the hall. Mira peered closer at the scroll. It definitely said Dave. Again the heads turned towards the door . . .

  Again there was no unicorn.

  Madame Shetland looked over at Miss Glitterhorn, who said, ‘Just a sec,’ and jogged over to the double doors. She started clicking and waving at something outside. But whatever was being clicked and waved at didn’t seem to want to come in. Eventually Madame Shetland went over to help and between them they pushed in the smallest, plumpest unicorn Mira had ever seen. He had his bottom planted firmly on the ground and was making it as difficult as possible for the two teachers to move him.

  Mira stared. He had a little pot belly and a mane like straw that stuck up at odd angles.

  ‘Greet your unicorn, dear,’ said Madame Shetland, giving a slightly forced smile. Miss Glitterhorn was leaning against the mounting block and sweating.

  ‘Hi . . . Dave,’ said Mira. The unicorn looked up at her. Okay, so he was a bit small. And he wasn’t very glittery. But at least I have a unicorn! she thought.

  Mira reached out to pat his nose and Dave snorted loudly and put his ears back. She pulled her hand away.

  ‘A round of applause for our final pair, Mira and Dave!’ said Madame Shetland.

  Uncertain claps rippled around the hall. Mira’s sister was laughing so hard that she had to be taken outside.

  Mira looked back at her unicorn. There was a twinkle in Dave’s eye. Mira felt encouraged. She smiled and waved at the crowd.

  Dave snorted again and lifted his tail. Then he unleashed a giant heap of poo onto Miss Glitterhorn’s feet.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  Dave’s Doughnuts

  It took Mira a while to get from assembly to her first lesson, as Dave had sat down again in the corridor and was refusing to move. But Raheem came to help her and together they half-dragged, half-pushed Dave down the hallway on his bottom and towards the classroom.

  Unicorn School was certainly full of surprises. And challenges. Right n
ow, Dave was being quite a challenge, but Mira was sure they would have a magical time as soon as they got to class.

  Miss Glitterhorn tutted when they finally arrived. She was standing in front of the whiteboard, cleaning Dave’s poo off her shoes with a wet wipe.

  ‘As I was saying, Class Red, School Rule Number 19 is Be On Time, Every Time.’

  Mira gasped. The double desks were like normal desks on one side, but on the other there was a taller, unicorn-sized desk with a bag of hay hanging off it. Underneath each unicorn’s desk was a basket containing grooming equipment. Raheem scurried over to sit at the desk right at the front where Brave was standing proudly. There was one empty double desk. Dave plodded towards it, behind Mira, and gave a snort. Then he finished off his entire hay bag in two bites.

  They’d made it! Mira gave a happy sigh as she sat down at her desk.

  Miss Glitterhorn finished running through the School Rules (Mira definitely heard at least some of them) and stood up from behind her desk. ‘Now you have your unicorn,’ she said, ‘the lessons can begin. We will have two days of lessons, where you will learn all about Unicorn School, and how we look after the land. But, most importantly, you will bond with your unicorns so that on day three, you will be ready to go on your first magical quest.’

  The class oohed and aahed, and there was a buzz of excitement. Mira looked around the room and noticed that Jake and Pegasus were their neighbours. She gave Jake a friendly smile but he was looking at Dave with a disgusted Dave’s Doughnuts expression on his face. She turned and saw that Dave was gnawing at the corner of the desk. She hoped Miss Glitterhorn wouldn’t notice.

  ‘Right!’ said Miss Glitterhorn. ‘Lesson one is Getting to Know your Unicorn. You and your unicorn have a very special bond. You were chosen for each other by the purest kind of magic: friendship. But you’ve only just met and you must earn your unicorn’s trust. First, grooming. This is very relaxing for unicorns. Pick up your brushes and off you go!’

  Mira picked up a soft brush. She’d read all about grooming. She reached out to put the brush on Dave’s back and he ducked, avoiding her hand, and side-stepped out of the way. Mira stepped closer to him and tried again but he just did the same thing. Then she tried a different brush but he side-stepped again. They kept doing this and shuffling further and further away from their desk until a girl called Tamsin put her hand up to say that they were making her unicorn feel uncomfortable.

  Mira dragged Dave back to their desk. She tried hiding the brush behind her back, she tried attaching it to a stick. She even tried brushing herself to show him how nice it was, until Miss Glitterhorn came over to ask what she was doing. Then, hoping to put him in a better mood, Mira gave Dave the unicorn crown Dave’s Doughnuts she’d made for him. Dave looked at the crown thoughtfully for a moment and then he ate it.

  Mira suddenly had a brilliant idea. Dave must be hungry! That’s why he wasn’t paying attention!

  Mira remembered Miss Glitterhorn saying Treating is Cheating (Unicorn School Rule 54) and You Must Not Bribe Your Unicorn (Unicorn School Rule 3), but this was tending to Dave’s needs. She was looking after him! She reached into her bag for the treats she’d bought with Mum earlier.

  But the shopping bag was full of doughnuts, not carrots! Mira realized she must have picked up her mum’s bag by mistake . . . now Dave didn’t have ANY treats. (And mum had taken a bag of carrots to work with her.) Mira could feel her eyes welling up with tears as she dropped the doughnuts on the floor. NOTHING was going right today.

  But something extraordinary was happening to Dave. His nostrils flared and his mouth twitched. With a happy little whinny he gobbled up a doughnut, then another and, before Mira could stop him, he had eaten them all AND the bag.

  Suddenly, Dave was like a different unicorn. His eyes shone and his mane even looked swishy. He let Mira stroke his soft muzzle and then he stamped a hoof in joy. Mira grabbed a brush and started combing it through his mane. She looked around the room, fizzing with pride. She hoped everyone would see how happy Dave suddenly was – he was showing his teeth in a sort of weird grin. He must really like doughnuts, she thought. Maybe she would win a medal for Best at Cheering Up Unicorns!

  Then it all went wrong.

  Dave reared up on his hind legs and let out a loud and gleeful neigh. He shot forwards, knocking over a chair. A few children and unicorns turned towards them, startled, and Miss Glitterhorn looked up from her desk.

  Then, full of sugary, doughnutty joy, Dave galloped around the classroom, scattering the pupils and their unicorns and destroying the matchstick fairytale castle that Grace Hobbs had brought in as a present for her unicorn and had taken ‘literally weeks to make’. Finally, he skidded into Jake’s desk and crushed his pencil case. Jake looked furious.

  After Miss Glitterhorn had wrangled Dave into Dave’s Doughnuts the Naughty Stall, she announced that since most pupils had successfully groomed their unicorns, the class would now be creating pieces of art together. She suggested that Mira use the time to read the rule book, paying special attention to Unicorn School Rule 79: No Havoc Indoors.

  ‘That’s one Havoc Point already, I’m afraid. Three Havoc Points will result in detention,’ she said. ‘Then, that pupil and their unicorn will not be able to attend the first quest.’

  Mira felt a panicky feeling in her stomach. She couldn’t miss out on the first quest!

  She snuck a look at Dave over her shoulder and saw that he was happily snoozing in the Naughty Stall. He looked very sweet. But she couldn’t quite ignore the thought she kept pushing to the back of her mind.

  What if they didn’t have a totally magical bond? What if Dave wasn’t going to be her unicorn best friend?

  CHAPTER FIVE

  History Comes Alive . . .

  After a good night’s sleep in Red Dormitory, Mira woke up feeling full of hope for the day ahead. She picked Dave up from his stable and gave him a little pep talk on the way to class. At least he was walking alongside her today. Mira felt that was progress.

  ‘I know it feels different, being in school now, like a big unicorn. But we’ll get through it together! I know we can be best friends!’

  Dave gave Mira a sideways glance and then did a long, rumbling fart.

  The first lesson of the day was History of the Unicorn and their teacher, Mr Trotsky, was giving a lecture on famous unicorns of the last thousand years. Mira lost concentration a couple of times, first when another class rode their unicorns past the window and then when Darcy passed round a note saying ‘Would you rather have a unicorn that could breathe fire or one that had electric hooves?’ And Mr Trotsky did have a slow, droney voice.

  ‘I hope you’ve been taking notes, class,’ Mr Trotsky said, after talking for a very long time. ‘We have another five hundred years of unicorns to get through after our break and then you will each prepare a presentation about a famous unicorn from history, to be performed at the end of the day. Let’s make history come alive!’

  After break time Dave trotted over to the grooming basket under their desk. With his front hoof, he knocked everything out of the basket, lay down in it and went to sleep.

  Mira looked around at the other unicorns who were sitting up nicely at their desks. Some were even helping to take notes. Seb’s unicorn, Firework, seemed to be sketching with his horn.

  I’m sure Dave can do that too . . . when he’s awake, thought Mira. She smiled and picked out different coloured pens to underline her notes. That cheered her up even more.

  Top Five Best Unicorns from History

  • Unicornardo da Vinci – painter and inventor

  • King Henry the Neighth – very fat unicorn who had six wives

  • Winst-horn Churchill – unicorn prime minister during the war

  • Queen Boudiccorn – the most magnificent Celtic warrior queen unicorn

  • King Arth-horn and the Unicorns of the Round Stable

  ‘Hey,’ hissed Jake from beside her. ‘Don’t you know Unicorn School Rul
e Number 23?’

  Mira shook her head.

  Jake rolled his eyes. ‘Unicorns Must Be Awake During Lessons,’ he said. Pegasus widened his eyes, as if to demonstrate what being awake was.

  Mira looked down at Dave, who was snoring. She nudged him with her foot and Dave let out a giant fart. Freya’s unicorn, Princess, bolted out of the classroom in fright.

  Mr Trotsky went to retrieve Princess and Mira felt a tap on her shoulder. It was Freya.

  ‘Sorry I scared your unicorn away,’ said Mira.

  ‘Oh, don’t worry,’ said Freya. ‘She’s scared of everything. It’s nice to have a break.’

  ‘Well, at least your unicorn’s awake,’ said Mira.

  ‘She’s TOO awake!’ laughed Freya. ‘Here,’ she said, handing Mira her sunglasses. ‘Put these on him and then Mr Trotsky will never notice.’

  They carefully put the sunglasses on Dave’s head. Now you couldn’t tell that he was asleep! Then, just to be sure, Freya got out her silver pen and drew eyes on the lenses.

  Mr Trotsky returned with Princess. He glanced briefly at Dave before heading back to his desk. Mira breathed out in relief. They’d got away with it!

  When it was time to do their presentations, Dave was STILL asleep. Luckily Darcy volunteered to go first. Darcy and her unicorn performed a rap (‘Darcy and Star, the best by far’) and a complicated interpretive dance based on Darcy’s favourite Disney film. Mr Trotsky said they did very well to keep going for such a long time but he couldn’t give them a mark because it had nothing to do with history.